I was driving to Atlanta for some training for my new job, and I started thinking about depression. I think that I may be depressed, not “take away the sharp objects” depressed, maybe just melancholy. I started thinking of all that has happened in the last few years: My mother died of cancer (suddenly) a couple of years ago. She was fine at Christmas, but by January, she was hospitalized and given 6 months to live – small cell carcinoma. She died on Easter morning. My grandparents came from Michigan to North Carolina for the funeral. They seemed fine, but last May my grandfather fell in the kitchen – stroke. He was there alone because Grandma was in the nursing home for Alzheimer’s and dementia. She died New Years Day. Now it is not death that is so depressing, it is regret.

My mother and I were a little estranged. We live in South Carolina, and we invited her down to visit. She always said she couldn’t afford gas money, and we thought it was just an excuse because she didn’t want to drive through Charlotte, but we found out later (as I was going through her finances when she had to go to the nursing home) that she COULDN’T even afford to spend the $12 to drive to South Carolina.

My grandparents raised me until I was 5 years old. I moved in with my mother and step father (who later adopted me) then with three other brothers and three sisters. My grandparents continued to look after me even after I went into the Air Force. I let an estrangement grow there too. I was too busy with my own life; I had too much work to do; I was too young to know the foolishness of my course of action. I let the communication dwindle to Christmas cards, birthday cards, and telephone calls every few months.

My oldest son moved in with his girlfriend’s family when he was 17 – so sure things would be easier there. She got pregnant, they got married, She lived with him a total of about 2 months before she went back to live with her mother Her mother has raised her to think only of herself, has reminded her that she married her step father only as a “father” for the children. Her mother runs the family, and has told her step father that he can leave whenever he feels like it. Her mother has talked her into filing for a divorce since he now refuses to go back and live under her roof (under her rules). They are definitely unequally yoked! My son is torn between raising his daughter and separating himself from the insanity. They are “dating” again.

The fire brought a lot of things to bear. I was working for a company as the service manager and even working 60 – 70 hours, I could not get everything done. I was hospitalized for chest pains, and then cut my hours back to 50 per week. The company was directed to reduce the budget, so I was laid off. I had been laid off for three months when I started a new job that required 90% travel (based in Georgia). Then the fire disrupted our lives even more.

The stupid dog (as I had come to call her) would not come when called, urinated on the floor whenever no one watched her, and chewed everything in sight (I.E. she was a puppy). She died in the fire. Her yelping and whining probably saved the family by waking up my wife. I found part of her remains melted into her kennel the other day. Earlier, my wife reminded me that I called the puppy stupid. I told her that the dog was stupid, but she wasn’t worthless.

Melancholy – it sounds so much less severe than depression. (If you are reading this TG, this is not venting, but it is cathartic). No, I have not shared this with my wife – she is stressed enough already. Oh, I am SO sure that she isn’t suspicious that I am melancholy (that tone you hear is sarcasm).

But even though all this was milling through my head, I know that God causes all things to work together for the good of all who love Him and are called according to His purpose. God didn’t promise that we would understand.

I am reminded of an analogy I heard a long time ago. Looking up into the heaven, we can see the tapestry God is weaving of our lives, but we are looking at the back. We can’t really see what His work looks like until we get a glimpse of the finished product. Sometimes we do get a glimpse of it in this life – sometimes we just have to wait until we are on the other side. In His Service, Shalom.

Well, I am back at work - travelling 90% of the time, So I may be coming soon to a city near you - LOL (that reference may be before some of your times). This is a new job for me, and the fire happenned on the very first day I was to report to work for this company. I had driven 15 hours from our home to the job site in Jefferson City, Missouri. My wife called at 3:00 AM to tell me that our house was going up in smoke, and I had to fly home for a week.

We have found alternate living quarters. We are living in a new townhouse until the house is rebuilt. Thankfully our insurance company has been GREAT (ALLSTATE - if you are looking for a good insurance company). Unfortunately, this place does not take pets, so we had to leave our 10-year old Dalmation with friends, and most of our stuff is in storage (including all my reference books) and will be there until the house is rebuilt. So every time I want to cook something, it means a trip to the store for whatever (Measuring cups, wisk, grill, meat thermometer . . .) The insurance company DID provide dishes, silverware, and some pots, pans and utensils (even something resembling measuring cups - but with all the lettering conveniently missing), but it is not the fully functional kitchen to which I am accustomed. LOL, I even lost all my seasonings and spices.

Sadly, we also have to start over buying Christmas ornaments, since everything in the attic was a loss. Thankfully the nativity my grandmother made for us the first year we were married was in the living room when the fire destroyed almost everything else. We found the tablecloths our foreign exchange student sent us from Germany, and the Christmas pickle ornament she sent us was at school where my wife teaches. They were studying different countries of the world. One of the other teachers had some of the pictures and souveniers I brought back from my trips to France. (Well the stuff from France problably wouldn't have been destroyed because I have never put it away -- LOL)

The adjuster said the damage was around $105,000, and repairs to our home may take 6 to 9 months. We spoke with a contractor, and he is going to take the house down to the floor joists. He said that some of the stud walls may be salvageable at the far end of the house. the damage even encompassed the new storage building / workshop I was building. It was ALMOST completed, only lacking trim and some soffit work. Now the roof will have to be replaced as well as several walls. we are going to tke this opportunity for some additional extensive remodeling.

In spite of the loss, we still maintain that God is good - ALL THE TIME! We still have not lost our sense of humor, nor the appreciation of God's loving kindness and protection of His servants. The fire could have been far more tragic than it was. In His Service, Shalom

I was driving to the airport in St Louis yesterday morning on my way home for the weekend listening to secular music. (Yes, I am a Christian, and I listen to secular music. I have very eclectic tastes: I also listen to classical music, Christian rock, and bluegrass, among several other types of music), but I digress. I was listening to the Eagles, and as I listened to their lyrics of some of their songs, I noticed how many great spiritual truths they contained (or at least some very keen observations).

I already mentioned in great detail how the song, “Lying Eyes” describes some of the ways the world attempts to fill the God-shaped hole in an earlier blog (See God Shaped Hole)

“Already Gone” – “Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky. You can see the stars and still not see the light” AND “So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.” – What an apt description in these lyrics of those who do not recognize the Light nor have accepted the free gift from God (i.e. the KEY).

“Desperado” – “Your prison is walking through this world all alone” and “You better let somebody love you before its too late.” – These are just blunt outright truths.

“Peaceful Easy Feeling” – By changing a few words in this song, it became a fantastic song that I have done as a special in our congregation several times (I’m still working on the wording of the first couple stanzas. I’d appreciate any suggestions, but the rest of the song is a perfect fit).

“I like the way your Holy Spirit shines throughout the world from above. And I want to walk with you through the desert tonight in the grace that comes from Your love, Cause I get a peaceful easy feeling, and I know You won’t let me down, and I’m already kneeling on the ground.

And I found out a long time ago what sin can do to your soul, but it can’t take you any way, you don’t already know how to go. And I got a peaceful easy feeling, and I know You won’t let me down, and I’m already kneeling on the ground.

I get this feeling that I may know You as a Savior and a friend, and this voice keeps whispering in my other ear. It tells me that I will surely see You again. Cause I get a peaceful easy feeling, and I know You won’t let me down, cause I’m already kneeling, I’m already kneeling, Yes, I’m already kneeling on the ground.”

Other artists present great truisms (or maybe they are only uplifting words) as well: For example, Kansas’ “Wayward son” (prodigal son???). If it is not a very close parallel, it is surely an excellent example of the Father’s love and His promise of peace after death. “Carry on my wayward son. There’ll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, and don’t you cry no more”

and “Dust in the Wind” “It (LIFE) slips away, and all your money won’t another minute buy. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind” – What a backwards comment from a Rock and Roll band. This isn’t about “sex, and drugs, and rock and roll”. This is man’s realization of his own mortality, and even admitting that we might NOT be gods because we are here “only for a moment, then the moment’s gone. All we do crumbles to the ground, but we refuse to see. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind”

America’s Dan Peek re-released “Lonely People” with a spiritual theme (I have sung this several times as a special as well).

“This is for all the lonely people, thinking life has passed them by. Don’t give up until you drink from the silver cup and give your heart to Jesus Christ.

This is for all the single people thinking love has left them dry, don’t give up until you drink from the silver cup and give your heart to Jesus Christ. Well He’s on His way; He’s coming back some day; He’s coming back to take us Home.

This is for all the lonely people, thinking life has passed them by. Don’t give up until you drink from the silver cup, He’ll never let you down and never give you up, but you’ll never know until you try”

I used to wince when I heard the beginning to Billy Joel’s “Only the Good Die Young”, but then I substituted ONCE for YOUNG, and that was better (Only the good die once), but not quite right yet. So I changed GOOD to SAVED, and that made it possible to hear the song. (Only the saved die once).

Check out my gallery. My neighbor across the street took pictures during and after the fire.

It may be a while between blogs, though. All my reference material is either in storage or headed that way. My garage caught fire, and my family has to find alternate living quarters, as the repairs to our home may take 6 to 9 months. Some of my older sermons are available for transcription, but questions I need to research may take a little longer. Everyone made it out of the house safely. I was in Missouri on a service call at the time (I am an electrical engineer and spend a good deal of time traveling, but returned to deal with the insurance company and the difficulties in moving. The fire was started in the electrical meter and engulfed the garage rather quickly. One of our dogs was in her kennel in the garage and roused the family in time for everyone to evacuate, but not in time to save the dog (the flames were 5 feet tall in the garage already - and no way to reach her). The fire department arrived and put out the fire threatening to engulf my neighbor's house (it did melt the siding off the side of his house), meanwhile other firemen were gathering our furniture and possessions to the middle of the rooms and covering them with plastic and tarps. They then battled the fire for 5 hours. The garage was razed, the fire broke through the attic and swept through our possessions stored there (amazingly the metal box containing my mother's pictures and memorabilia (She passed away a year ago from last Easter) was not totally destroyed) We lost a lot, but it was not nearly as bad as it could have been - it was only STUFF, and one day, it will ALL burn anyway. In spite of the loss, God is good - ALL THE TIME! We have not lost our sense of humor, nor the appreciation of God's loving kindness and protection of His servants. It is appointed for a man to die, and then the judgment. It was not our time, and I really wanted to remodel the house anyway! In His Service, Shalom